Reflection Week 3/10

     This week in class we watched Smoke Signals. I enjoyed the movie but I honestly thought it was a little cheesy. I really enjoyed the whole story and I was happy that Victor Joseph had healed but it was just very predictable. I thought the movie was humorous and entertaining while being educational about native life. I did not always understand the message that Thomas Builds-the-Fire was trying to convey through his stories. Overall, I thought it was a good movie. I also drew a lot of parallels between the movie and Ceremony. For example, alcoholism, PTS, and healing.
     This week we were also introduced our essay prompt for out Native Study Essay. I am anxious to write my essay and see more in depth how everything we have studied links together. I am nervous about writing it as well because the prompt is challenging and I have a busy week ahead of me with work and other classes. I really enjoyed this unit of native study as it was not something I had been exposed to. I think it will be fun to analyze and write about. I am also glad to be exploring new topics.
  

Reflection Week 3/3

     The end of Ceremony was devastating. It was hard for me to read when Tayo was tired, hungry, and thirsty and he was running from his friends. That was unbelievable to me and I can't imagine the heartache he felt when he found out that they were hunting them down. Then, I could not bear to read the part when Emo, Pinkie, and Leroy were beating Harley and Tayo had to watch. I am still confused on exactly what happened then though and how Tayo made it back home safely. I could feel how hard it was for Tayo to watch but afterwards I couldn't read his emotions. I couldn't tell if he was still finding light in his days or if he was depressed again.

     Something I noticed in the last section of the book was the use of the color yellow. It was used repeatedly to describe a wide variety of things. For example, the bull, the bull's eyes, the sandrock, flames, the light, the sand, uranium, and the leaves. Not only were all these things described as yellow but the same items using the same description were repeated over and over in this section. In fact, there were many things described with color in this section but yellow especially stood out to me. I don't understand why this is used so much and why it is relevant. 

This represents Harley's hand-a symbol for Harley. He was bleeding badly when Tayo last saw him and the heart represents Tayo and Harley's love for each other.

This is the yellow, and yellow light, that is surrounding Tayo throughout this section of the novel.

Reflection Week 2/24

    The essays this week were hard for me because they were before we discussed and I was confused on a lot of the reading material. After we discussed, I understood that I analyzed the section incorrectly. I felt like Tayo started healing through the ceremonies and stories that Betonie told him. I felt like he was finally becoming happy and starting feel like he could let go of some of his sadness or at least control it. Then when he came down and spent time with Harley, Leroy, and Helen Jean I felt that he was relapsing. He started drinking again to numb himself and it seemed to me that he enjoyed that. Now I know that Tayo was realizing that he no longer wanted to feel that way and live his life that way.

    I am very glad to see that Tayo has continued healing, that I was wrong in my analyzation. The discussion we had after the essays really helped me better analyze portions of the reading and I can now see that Tayo was still healing. He was relapsing in a way but during that he knew it wasn't what he was going to continue to do. Also, now that we are farther in the reading it is so apparent that Tayo is way healthier. I am so happy for Tayo and it is such a relief to see him feel and react like a healthy person. I feel his happiness when he smiles and it is contagious. It is amazing what Tayo has overcome. 

This picture represents Tayo and his relief/release from his sadness. 

Reflection Week 1/17

     This week former U.S. Navy Seal, Clay, came and talked to our class about his experiences in the Navy and throughout his life. One thing I thought was really cool was that he gave an amazing description of the intensity of P.T.S. and the severity at which he has it. First of all, it really helped me relate to P.T.S. I always related it to war veterans but now I know that I have P.T.S. with some experiences as well. It also really helped me relate to Ceremony better and see how Tayo is feeling a lot of the time. When Clay described being able to smell gunpowder in the air, hear screaming and shooting, and taste the blood in the air, I could see how vividly those things were appearing for him. I could feel the extreme qualities of those memories in his mind.
     Something that was extremely intense for me, was when Clay talked about the 12-year-old girl he killed in Jordan. I cannot imagine being in that situation or living with that situation everyday from then on. The reality of that situation made me so sad. The fact that there are people in our world, that would persuade a young girl to commit suicide in order to kill others sickens me. I feel sad for that girl. I feel sad for Clay and the severe emotional pain that comes with his job. I feel sad for our world. It is hard to imagine that things like that actually happen in our world. Even though I did not agree with everything he said, Clay made me thankful for his service and for coming and sharing his experiences with our class so that we can understand Ceremony better and the world we live in better.

Reflection Week 2/10

     This week the discussions really helped me understand Ceremony better. There were a lot of metaphors, double meanings, and time frames of the book where I was very lost that I now understand. I still have some unanswered questions but overall I have a much deeper understanding of the details of the story. The essential parts of the story that are crucial to understanding Tayo's current state were fuzzy for me until we talked through them, moment by moment. I now feel more confident about the reading.
     Now that I understand things better, I feel even more sad for Tayo. As I learn more and more about Tayo's past I can't imagine how he functions on a daily basis. He was repeatedly abandoned by his mother as a toddler. When he finally was given a stable environment and a consistent family he was subjected to Auntie's rude and uncalled for words and actions. Tayo feels so much guilt for everything that has gone on in his life that he has no control over. I feel that he is clinically depressed and I feel so sad that everyone that was supporting to him and kind, he has lost. Mainly Rocky and Tayo. I wish Tayo had a more loving and caring environment to live in so that he could find ways to deal with his grief and pain.


I chose this picture because I feel it represents all the parts of Tayo's life that are dying to get out of him.

Reflection Week 2/3

     This week the quote activity was hard for our group. Personally, I'm confused on the flow of the book and not so much the content so specific quotes didn't really help me overall. There are parts where metaphors are unclear to me and I wrote those down but the thing I am struggling most with is time. Ultimately, I have a hard time telling what is present and past, imagined and real, and if it is past or imagined why it is important to the whole of the story. I feel the specific quotes won't help me much because it is such a huge question and the story jumps around so often that there is no way to go through in complete detail what time frame Tayo is in throughout all the parts we have read. 

     I'm hoping that as we continue discussing quotes everything will become more clear to me. I feel as though I understand the details of the story, for example, when Tayo goes to see Night Swan. That portion of the story is very poetic and indirect but I was able to decipher the meaning behind it. It is figuring out when that happened initially and why Tayo is remembering it now that I struggle with. I also understood the direct parts of the portion about the homeless people living in shacks, hiding from the police. What I did not understand was how that pertained to Tayo's life. I couldn't tell if it was about Tayo, a memory of his, or if it was some sort of metaphor. I did pull quotes from that section to ask about but it is such a big portion with so many details it is hard to ask one specific question about it. I am hoping that as we continue discussing quotes as a class these will make more sense to me. 

 I chose this picture to represent Tayo. One thing I can understand very clearly from the reading is that Tayo has lead a very hard and sad life. Sadly enough, I think he will continue to be depressed beyond repair throughout the rest of the novel as he has so many hardships to deal with and hardly any support in dealing with them. 

Reflection Week 1/27

     This week Ceremony became more confusing for me. I just feel that it jumps around so much that I cannot figure out what is really going on, what is present and what is past. Something I do understand is Tayo's past and I felt so sad reading about all the hardships he has dealt with. He has a very strange life and I'm starting to understand why he has such depression, alcholism, and PTS. Psychologically, he must be very, very lost with everything he has been through. Something I was very confused about was the section of the book that desscribe a young boy living with his mom by the river in a box and being left around, hungry and cold, while she slept with men. I am wondering if this is Tayo or not as it was not very clear.

     Reel Injun really opened my eyes to a lot of things that I have never realized. I know racism has been prominent in our country since our birth but I never noticed the severity of it toward Native Americans until we started this unit and Reel Injun especially. I am thankful that I have this whole other perspective now and I'm seeing this sooner rather than later. I hope that as a country we continue to progress forward on these issues. I am glad the film industry has started to show the truth about Native history. After learning about all these issues, I may end up in a different career path than I originally planned.